I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
