Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
