I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
