Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
