Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
