my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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