you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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