i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
