That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
