My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
