He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
