the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
