I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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