her vagine was all disorganized.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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