Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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