i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
