It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
