Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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