I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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