Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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