i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
