He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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