Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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