I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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