a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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