I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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