Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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