she was so not down for the gang bang
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's always time for handjobs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
