My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
