Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
