your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think my moral compass just broke
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
