I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
