I think my fart just growled at me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
