I think I won the penis lottery.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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