I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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