My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
