is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
