dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
