Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
