Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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