Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
