My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Be still, my beating vagina.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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