I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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