the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
