Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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