Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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