He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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