ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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