U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
