Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
