bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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