my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
