yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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