Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
