i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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